Left Behind (But not Forgotten)
by StoneyT456
Summary: AU- What if Jay had never saved Barry and Wally in 3x16 and Barry stayed behind in the Speed Force? One-shot. (UPDATED: Parts 2-4 now added due to response. Story is now complete.)
1. Part 1: The Unwanted

**Hey guys! This is my first Flash fic so be nice. Obviously I don't own the Flash, if I did then there would be a lot more angst. Anyhoo, this is an AU where Jay never rescues Barry and Wally from the speed force in season three. (Basically one big ball of angst)Enjoy!**

"I can't loose Wally, Barry."

Joe muttered the words utterly devastated, and it was then that Barry realized what he needed to do. It was not a question, really. He was consumed by guilt. Eddie, Ronnie, Cisco's brother, John's daughter, Caitlin's powers, and an endless list of things that he's messed up. When Ronnie died, he was alone. He liked it that way. He wasn't suicidal per se, but the thought of death by saving someone didn't bother him. But of course his family had come back to help him. But after the Flashpoint, he thought that he would never earn their forgiveness. When the aliens came he thought that that would be his chance- his chance to make it up to them. But then his family (albeit with different people but still his family) had stopped him. He supposed he should have been thankful, but that only made the feeling that he didn't deserve them tenfold. Now Wally was gone and he had lost Iris-maybe for forever. And the solution was simple.

When he was getting ready to enter the speed force, he was surprised and grateful that none of them had figured it out yet. He knew right away what he was walking into, but for some reason, no one else did, or no one else cared. Before if Barry died it would mean that Central City would be unprotected, but at least now there were two qualified speedsters and two other metas that could easily take his place as defender of the city. He knew that nothing he ever did would make up for Flashpoint, but at least now he would be saving Wally and not be able to screw anything else up. It was the best and only solution.

Barry looked around at his team. They all had the same sad expression, but that wasn't for him, it was for Wally. When Wally came back to Joe, he clearly had a jealousy of Barry. They were past that now, but Barry had his own jealousy he had to keep in check. No matter how long he had stayed with Joe, he was not his actual son, so therefore Wally took precedence. Barry had a feeling that Joe would be just fine with his sacrifice. He went up to Joe and gave him one last final hug.

"Find my boy." He said simply looking at Barry.

"I will do whatever it takes." Barry responded, cementing his belief that Joe would be fine as long as he had Wally. Barry was just a surrogate, and once he got Wally back, there would be no need for him.

Iris came next. She pecked his cheek and looked at him, "Thank you." She said.

Barry could only look at her. He knew this would be the last time for him. "I love you Iris." He declared, hoping that she would see through him, see how much he was hurting, and give him hope. But instead she only reluctantly stared at him and after a couple seconds responded with a sad "I love you too." But Barry could tell that her heart wasn't in it. Any hope he had dissipated, and he sealed his own fate. He nodded at Jesse, and went up with Cisco. Soon he was in the speed force, and Cisco looked at him.

"Good luck." Cisco said.

All Barry could do was sadly nod. Soon he was all alone.

* * *

"Wally. Wally?" Barry slowly walked up to Wally as he heard the monitor flat-line on his mom.

Wally slowly looked towards Barry. "Barry?" He asked confused. "I saw my mom..." He began to explain, but Barry finished for him.

"I know." He said sadly. "Look at me, Wallace, look at me now okay? It's over. You're free now. You're going home. Alright? It's okay. You're going home. Let's go."

Wally walked in front of him and Barry looked back towards the room. "Wally wait." He said. Wally looked back at Barry and saw him looking sadly at the room through the closed door.

"Barry, let's go. We need to leave." Wally said

"You're leaving." Barry said not looking at him. "I'm staying."

"What?" Wally asked incredulously. "Barry what do you mean?"

Barry finally looked at him and Wally was surprised to find tears in his eyes. "In order for a speedster to leave, one must take his place."

Wally looked at him with a shocked look on his face. "You're going to stay here. For me?"

"You and Jesse can handle Central City. I believe in you both. Be the Flash, Wally. Central City doesn't need Barry Allen anymore."

"You're wrong." Wally insisted. "Central City may not need you but we do." Wally said with his own tears forming. "Iris, Joe, Caitlin, Cisco, we all need you Barry. You can't do this. What about Iris?"

Barry smiled sadly at him. "Me and Iris are over, Wally. She's moved on. Besides, she'll have you now." Barry and Wally both started to feel the pull of Cisco on the other side.

"That's your cue." Barry said.

" What am I supposed to tell Joe?" Wally asked trying to convince Barry. Instead Barry looked at him with all the confidence he could muster.

"Tell him I got his son back."

And with that, Wally was thrown back to the real world.

* * *

Wally slammed to the floor with a thump. "Wally!" Joe screamed as he ran towards him. The team was smiling, happy that Wally was alive and well. Until they realized Barry was missing.

"I don't think I can hold it open much longer!" Cisco yelled.

Wally looked at him sadly. "Don't." He said. The team gave him a confused look. He slowly stood up and stared at the vortex. "He's not coming."

"What do you mean he's not coming?" Iris yelled.

"Just close it Cisco, it is no use." Wally put his hand on Cisco's shoulder and the portal dropped. Cisco ripped off his goggles and stared at Wally.

"What the hell happened?" He asked angrily.

"You mean you didn't know?" Wally asked sadly.

"Didn't know what, son?" Joe asked back.

"Barry..." Wally paused sadly. "Barry never planned on leaving the speed force."

His statement got a collection of gasps from the team.

"What do you mean?" Iris asked her brother with tears coming down her face.

"The only way Barry could get me out is if he stayed. That's the way the speed force works. Someone needs to be there. I guess he thought it was better him then me." Wally looked sadly at the ground.

"Why would he think that we would be okay with that? We could have found another way." Caitlin said.

"He felt guilty." Cisco said causing the rest of the team to look at him. "I should have seen this coming."

"What do you mean?" Joe said while looking up sadly at him.

"When the aliens came," Cisco began, "they wanted Barry. He was ready to give himself up. He felt guilty for Flashpoint, for lying, for everything really. We talked him down but that kind of guilt never goes away. I guess with everything that happened, he thought that this would be the best way."

"That's ridiculous." Caitlin began.

"Is it?" Iris asked angrily. "Barry was struggling. He had nightmares every single night. When he thought I wasn't looking he had this sad look in his eye, like all the world's problems were his fault. He was so blinded by his guilt that he failed to accept that we cared about him. Sounds like normal Barry."

"Iris," Joe began.

"No, dad. Barry knew that he was not planning on coming back. And do you know why? Because he thought he wouldn't be missed. We all failed him."

That last sentence caused everyone to look down and they all began to think and go over things they had said to Barry that might of caused this. Surprisingly, Julian was the one to break the silence.

"Is there any way we can get him back?"

"It's not that simple." Cisco said.

"There has to be something." Caitlin said sobbing as she held onto Julian whose face was stoic. He had not known Barry long, but he still considered him a friend.

All faces turned to Cisco, hoping that he might have an answer.

Iris was crying silent tears, eyes focused on the spot of the portal thinking about all the things she could have done.

Wally was standing beside Joe, his head down, tears falling silently.

Jesse stood beside him, hand on his shoulder, glassy eyes looking at Cisco.

H.G. looked on hopefully with a sad expression.

Joe just stood there, a look of defeat on his face, wanting nothing more than to go back in time, see his little Barry, and hug him and say that everything will turn out okay. He looked at Cisco with tears in his eyes.

Cisco looked back at them. He was supposed to know how to fix things. That was his job. He was supposed to be the clever one. He should have figured out what Barry was up to. Instead he just looked at all the faces, and put his head down.

"I don't know."

* * *

Barry was reliving the same hell over and over again. Unlike Wally's, his didn't happen in real life like it was playing out. Instead it showed his mom, dad, and Iris, in three different places, separated. Then a spotlight would occur. First on his mom, he watched as Reverse Flash killed her, and she died alone gurgling on her own blood. Then the light went down and it showed his father. Crying out for Barry to save him, only to have Zoom kill him right there. Then the lights would go down and he saw Iris being help by Savitar, cursing Barry for not being fast enough. All three of them. Over and over and over and over. Each one of them cursing him for not being fast enough. Soon the faces all began to blend into one. Nora, Henry, Iris, Eddie, Lenard Snart, Dante, Ronnie. All the people who's deaths he was responsible for. All cursing him for not being fast enough. Barry wanted it to end, wanted to just die right there, but the speed force wouldn't let him.

It restarted again.

A scream, a yellow ball of light, and a gurgle.

A curse, then a vibrating sound, then a body flopping to the floor.

A scream, then the sound of his true love falling in his arms, only to die in them.

All over again. Each one of them repeating a mantra.

"YOU ARE NOT FAST ENOUGH TO SAVE US."

THE END.

 **Okay so that's the end. Unless I get numerous requests to continue it, I think I'm gonna leave it there. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Part 2: The Sacrifice

**Due to popular demand (and some very aggressive demands :D) I have decided to continue this. It is gonna be difficult since what I wrote kinda sorta (SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3 FINALE) happened in the finale. Barry entered the speed force but apparently it is nice now? And if that's the case then why was it ever 'a living hell' in the first place. Answer: plot. Any way, in no way is my solution relating to however Cisco and gang are gonna get Barry out in the season 4 premier (cause we know they are gonna get him out) so please, no comparisons to that.**

 **Two other things. 1.) There is going to be another chapter added after this and maybe an epilogue after that. 2.) If Iris comes across a bit rash, it is because I am basing her reaction off of the season 4 Iris we see in the trailer. Apparently she tries to move on without Barry and does not have any interest in bringing him back or being sad... I get that she's tough but come on. Anyway, I'm ranting. Here is the much demanded part two to my supposed to be one-shot!**

It had been two weeks since Barry had decided to sacrifice himself. It had been two weeks since any member of the Star Labs team had gotten a full seven hours of sleep, each one working around the clock to bring Barry back. In all their work to get him, neither one of them wanted to dwell on the reasoning behind his sacrifice. The fact that Barry thought that none of them would miss him, that he was completely alone… well it was too much for the team to handle right now. Instead, they just worked. And worked.

By week three, the team found that each member had an important role that only they could fill. Cisco was the science and gadgets behind it, the tech that made the team work. Caitlin was the other science, the biological and medical field of things, the nitty gritty stuff that Cisco isn't willing to touch. Julian did his best helping the two, as well as trying to keep Barry's job as at the station by constantly covering for him. After all Barry had done for him, Julian figured it was the least he could do. Jesse and Wally were busy being the Flashes that Central City needed. Soon after Barry's disappearance, the criminals started noticing. Unfortunately for them, they underestimated the capabilities of Jesse and Wally, and soon they started to back off. HR mostly provided two of the most important things team Flash needed: coffee and support.

And then there was Joe and Iris. The two of them had undoubtedly been working under insane amounts of guilt. They each kept on going and pushing through, but the rest of the team could tell that they were at their wits end. Iris hunted down any leads she could for them and Joe helped Julian keep Barry's job. The team never stopped moving, but they never gained an inch.

By week four, the team was devastated and no closer to finding any answers. It was one of those rare moments when all the team was together in STAR Labs when the team finally had the talk they all were dreading.

"Have you gotten anywhere on that research into the history of the speed force?" Iris asked Cisco and Caitlin.

"We tried. But the speed force is so unknown and mysterious, we still don't understand what it is or how it works." Caitlin tried explaining.

"So, you've got nothing?" Wally asked.

"We're doing our best, okay Wally?" Cisco snapped at the younger speedster.

"Listen, I was in the speed force, Cisco, I know what it is like in there. I almost lost my mind over the small amount of time I was in there, and Barry has been in there for four weeks. We need to get him out." Wally said surprising the rest of the group. Besides learning the basics, Wally had not spoken of his time inside the speed force since the incident happened. It was obviously hard for him to do, so Jesse subtly intertwined her fingers into his hand and gave him a small smile.

"There has to be something…" Joe said looking desperately at the rest of the group. At this point, he was willing to do anything to get his son back.

"Are we sure we even want him back?" Iris asked quietly making the rest of the group look at her in shock. "I mean, Barry was ready to make this sacrifice, and Wally said it himself. Even if we get Barry back… he probably won't be the same."

"Baby, what's gotten into you?" Joe asked his daughter looking at her seriously.

"Maybe I'm tired of waiting!" She yelled. "Maybe I'm tired of spending all this time trying to save someone who was selfish enough to go and sacrifice himself for the greater good because he thinks he isn't worth it! Maybe I'm just pissed off that he doesn't see how much I love him and how much I miss him! Okay? So maybe… maybe I'm just…" By this point Iris was sobbing tears as she leaned on the STAR LABS desk and into Joe. She just cried as Joe held onto her.

"Shhh… baby we all miss him, okay?" Joe said holding onto her. "We'll get him back."

"I just miss him so much." She said making the rest of the STAR Labs team look down, obviously feeling like intruders during this tender moment between father and daughter.

It was then that Iris and Joe heard someone clear their throat from in front of them. "Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to interrupt this sweet and uh, tender moment but I believe we have a visitor. "HR spoke making everyone turn to the doorway where he was pointing. There he stood, without even being noticed, Jay Garrick.

"Sorry to intrude, but I heard you had a problem. I think I can help."

Joe's first thought after hearing Jay's plan was that Barry was not going to like it. His second thought right after that was 'screw what that kid wants I want my kid back'. It was a simple plan really. They open the speed force and Jay goes in and takes Barry's place. Simple as that. But nothing was ever simple when it came to team Flash.

The thing was, how can they sacrifice Jay for Barry? Of course, they all love Barry, but Jay has people who love him back on his earth. How could they ask him to do this for them? It seems like Caitlin was thinking the same thing, because in that moment she asked him the exact same thing.

"The answer is this. Barry saved me from Zoom's prison. I owe him for that. Not only that, but also… frankly I am an old man now. I only have so long left, but Barry… Barry has his whole life ahead of him. He has a beautiful fiancée and friends that love him dearly. So, I am fully willing to accept this to save all of that." Jay answered to the group. "Now, if you all are pleased with that, let's go get our boy back."

"Yes!" Cisco shouted pumping his fist in the air getting an actual genuine smile from the people around him. "What?" He asked after looking at his friends, "I'm excited."

"We all are, kid." Joe said putting his hands on Cisco's shoulders.

"Yes, yes we are." Said Caitlin smiling.

Soon the entire room had cleared in preparation for the big event except for Iris and Jay. "You're his fiancée, aren't you?" Jay asked.

"Yeah." Iris replied looking at the ring now on her finger.

"Why such a sad face?" He asked.

"Barry and I didn't leave things off so good before he left. I just can't help but think that maybe if I had been more understanding, he would have never sacrificed himself in the first place. I just- God I just let him go into that thing still angry and just. It's been killing me. At first, I was worried I would never get the chance to apologize but now, now that we are getting him back, I don't know how to go forward." Iris sighed and placed her head in her hand. "I should be over the moon and I hate myself for feeling this way."

Jay sighed before he looked at Iris and began talking. "First of all, blaming yourself won't get you anywhere. Barry is a good kid, he probably would have done the right thing whether or not you two were fighting, that is just the kind of man he is. Second, let me solve this problem for you right now. Do you love him?"

"What?" Iris asked stunned.

"Do. You. Love. Him?" Jay repeated.

"Of course, I do." Iris responded.

"Then that is all that matters. I know for a fact that that kid loved you too. You both are going to be fine. Just be there for him when he gets out of that hell hole and support him. That is all you must do Iris. That is all you can do."

Iris looked at him and gave him a hug, making him make a surprised face, but he soon leaned into it. "You're both gonna be fine, kiddo."

"Thank you, Jay. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

It was at this moment that Julian walked into the room from the direction the others had left minutes before.

"We're ready." He said looking between the two of them.

Jay looked at Iris and then back at Julian. He picked up his signature ha that was left on the desk and put it on his head. With one last glance he looked at Julian and said, "let's get this show on the road."

 **That was it for this chapter. Let me know what yall thought and if you liked it or not. Obviously I don't own the Flash, and as always follow, fave, or review to show your support. Expect the next chap. soon. Yall were heard loud and clear. :)**

 **~StoneyT**


	3. Part 3: The Trade

**Welp, here's part three. Next part will be the last part and it will serve as an epilogue as sorts and a nice tidy bow to wrap up this little story. Please remember to leave a review if you like it (or don't like it and want to call me out on things XD). Also, for future readers, this was written BEFORE the season 3 finale (which is basically the same concept as this) so the way that they get him out is in no way, shape or form related to season 4. That's why it is called an AU.**

 **Anyhoo, here we go:**

Barry had begun to accept his reality as the living hell that kept being repeated. He was long out of tears, instead he just watched each event in a stoic silence. By now he was not sure exactly who was dying, just that it was someone who trusted him. By now it didn't matter who they were- just that he, Barry Allen, was not fast enough. All the people that had died because of him, not only his friends, but the people of Central City, that was all on him.

And he thought that this would be his eternal punishment for that. Over and over again, without stop. Just endless death. But then something happened that Barry was not expecting, there was a change in the cycle. A voice calling out his name. But instead of blaming him, it was trying to find him.

"Barry! Barry are you here?" The voice called out.

Confused, Barry looked around him. There was no one there, just the scenes of death around him. He must have been hearing things. But then the voice was no longer a voice, it was a touch. Someone had touched his shoulder. That had never happened before.

And then Barry realized that it was his father who reached out to him.

"Barry." The voice said sadly.

"Dad?" Barry questioned as he sank down on the floor, curing the speed force for whatever this new trick was.

"No, Barry. It's Jay." The voice sounded sad and Barry couldn't help but think that he was to blame for that sadness.

"I don't understand." Barry simply said.

"I've come to take you home, Barry."

"Home? I don't- "Barry began.

Jay crouched down to Barry's level and took his face in his hands. "Listen, kid. You've got people back home that need you to come back to them. They really, really miss you."

Some of what Jay was saying was getting through to Barry through his confused state, and it didn't make sense to him. "No, no they don't want me there." He said quietly shaking his head. "I need to, need to, make up for what I've done."

Jay smiled at him. "And you have Barry. Now it is time for you to go back home."

Barry was now finally catching on. "I get to leave?" He asked.

"Yeah, Barry."

Barry smiled a big smile that quickly was wiped off his face. Shaking his head, he looked over at Jay. His eyes began watering, something he thought they had lost the ability to do weeks ago.

"What about you?"

"Barry, I've already crossed my finish line, you still need to run your race."

"No." Barry said standing up. Or at least trying to. "I won't let you."

"Kid, even if you tried you couldn't stop me." Jay smiled helping him up.

"Why?" Barry asked defeated.

"Let me ask you a question, Barry. You said you deserve this right? To make up for the things you did?"

Barry nodded.

"Well, this is me making up for you rescuing me from Zoom. I am in your debt and now we are even. You understanding me, kid? I need to do this."

"But- "Barry began again.

"No buts, this is happening."

By then the world around Barry began to crumple. Everyone except him and Jay were gone, the spotlights and the stage slowly falling apart piece by piece. "Even the speed force knows it's time, Barry." Jay said looking around them.

Barry could now feel Cisco's tug, small but there and he began to panic. "I can't go back, I can't face them. I can't deal with the guilt, the suffering _I caused_!" Barry said pointing to himself. Jay just smiled a sad smile and placed his hands on Barry's shoulders.

"You don't give your friends enough credit. They are forgiving people. I think that I can tell you, without a doubt, they have forgiven you for whatever it is you think you've done. You have more than made up for it. Just go back to them, and be happy Barry."

"I- "

"Be happy. Don't live in guilt anymore. They love you."

By now Jay's image was fading and Barry could do nothing about it. He could feel himself being tugged away from Jay, feel himself being taken away from his hell and could see his friend being pulled into another. It was all his fault.

"Jay, what can I say?" Barry asked in his fleeting moments with the elder speedster.

"Say that you'll live your life with your beautiful girl, protect your city, and keep living."

Barry looked at him for a second not sure what to say. But Barry was not about to deny the man his last wish. "I will." Barry said making Jay smile.

"Then my job here is done." Jay said.

The next thing Barry knew is that the tugging sensation had turned into a full out yank. Cisco was dragging him back. He closed his eyes and accepted the pull, letting himself return to a society he was so convinced didn't even want him.

THEFLASH

The STAR Labs team stood facing the portal and Cisco, each one biting their fingernails trying to ease the nervous energy around them. They knew that the plan was most likely going to work, and that they would indeed get Barry back, but none of them thought about what to say to the Scarlet Speedster when they did. He had been so convinced they didn't care- so much so that he sacrificed himself without a thought. A fate worse than death.

What killed every single person in that room was that Barry Allen thought he deserved that and more. Cisco pondered this as he kept the portal open, how mad he was at Barry after he found out about his brother's death, how he had tried to shove Barry away. Barry had done what he did best, try and make up for it, and so Cisco eventually found himself forgiving Barry. The two hadn't really talked about it since, and Cisco couldn't help but think that was part of the reason Barry did what he did. Maybe if Cisco spent time confirming that he didn't blame him, that he was forgiven… well, now he would have the chance.

Caitlin was having similar thoughts. Deep down she knew that Barry still blamed himself for Ronnie, that he had never quite forgiven himself. She knew he also blamed himself for her powers. Sure, technically it had been his fault, but she didn't blame him anymore. She had forgiven him a long time ago. Losing both of your parents the way that he did, she couldn't really blame him for the decision he made.

H.R., Jesse, and Julian were all new comers to the team, but they knew how the team functioned. They also knew that the team really didn't function without him. Sure, they still got things done, but there was a different vibe to it, it had lost family. Barry was the heart and soul to the team and everyone knew it, and without him, things were just darker.

Joe just wanted his son back. Simple as that. And once he got him back, he was going to beat some sense into that thick head of his and tell him just how much _everyone_ on the team cared about him. As far as Joe is concerned, he has one goal when he gets Barry back, and that is making him feel like the most loved, most wanted, most needed person on the entire Earth.

Wally wanted his brother back. He wanted him back so he could thank him repeatedly for what he did for him. Wally himself was struggling with the realization that if he hadn't of gotten himself trapped, they wouldn't be in this situation right now. Obviously, no one on the team was calling him out on it considering what happened with Barry, but Wally knew the truth. He intended to make it up to Barry, one day at a time.

Iris wanted him back so they could continue their life together. Nothing would stop her now from becoming Ms. Iris West-Allen. Her and Barry were going to have some serious talking about his self-preservation instincts, and then Barry was going to make Iris the happiest girl in the world. She was going to marry him and make him forget all his self-doubt. She was sure about this.

And so all of these thoughts raced through the heads of the STAR Labs team as they waited for Barry to emerge from the speed force. It was Caitlin's voice that snapped them out of their thoughts. "I've got a lock on something!" She yelled.

All of them crowded around the portal while Julian ran to the computer behind Caitlin. They then all looked at Cisco for conformation. "It's him!" He yelled. "I've got him! It's him!"

Next thing they knew Barry was spit out of the portal as it closed behind him. Cisco threw off his equipment and ran over to him, Joe and Wally close on his heels. Caitlin and Iris both stood, their hands covering their mouths as tears came, while Jesse stood back and watched, feeling as though she should let the others have their much-deserved moment with Barry.

"Bar?" Joe asked through tears as he knelt on the floor where Barry stayed sitting.

"Joe?" Barry glanced up at him confused.

"Yeah Barry it's me. You're home now, son."

"Is Wally okay?" Barry suddenly asked.

"I'm fine Barry." Wally said as he knelt next to Barry, taking his hand.

Barry gulped in relief and then looked around at all the faces around him before settling on Cisco. "How long?" He asked.

"Four weeks, dude. It is so good to have you back." Cisco responded excitedly.

"Hmm…" Barry said. "Think I'm gonna…. Think I'm gonna nap now." Barry said before passing out.

"Cisco!" Joe yelled before Iris came running over with Caitlin on her heels.

Caitlin bent down and looked at him, examining him while Iris held his hand.

"You're home now, baby." Iris said through tears. "Just listen to me, okay? You're home."

All eyes were on Caitlin as she finished her examination. "I think he's just tired. After four weeks… he just needs some sleep."

The team all released a collective sigh while Joe, Wally, and Cisco carried Barry to one of the hospital beds Caitlin had already prepared for them. When Barry was situated, the team stood around them.

"How long will he be asleep?" Iris asked in a whisper.

"I have no idea." Caitlin whispered back honestly.

Hearing that answer, Iris grabbed a chair and pulled it next to the bed. "I'm not going anywhere until he wakes up." She said firmly.

"Ms. West, I think I speak for all of us when I say neither are we." H.R. said making the rest of the team smile.

They all agreed that when Barry woke up, they would all be there waiting for him.

 **Stay tuned for part four! Also, remember to follow, fave, or review. Got a good kick out of the fact that my story is a part of the 'Suicidal Barry' Collection so thank you to whoever put me in there XD.**

 **Disclaimer: The Flash and all the characters associated with it do not belong to me, if they did my poor little Barry would get a break every once and a while with his angst.**


	4. Part 4: The Epilogue

**Here it is! The last chapter! I want to give a HUGE** **shutout** **to everyone who** **reviewed** **, followed, or** **Favorited** **. Y'all have no idea how much your kind reviews mean to me and how much they motivated this story. Without them, there would be no part two, three, or an epilogue. Hopefully this lived up to the hype, and hopefully I made yall happy.**

 **Enjoy!**

The first thing Barry noticed when he woke up was the bright lights around him. The second thing he noticed was the sound of snoring. Loud snoring.

"What the..." He muttered silently looking around. He looked to his left and smiled at the site. Cisco and Caitlin were both leaning on each other, fast asleep in chairs by Barry's bed. He looked around and saw that Wally and Jesse had fallen asleep on the floor. Julian and H.R. were passed out by the desk, and Joe was sleeping at the foot of his bed.

The next thing he felt was a pressure on the right side of his stomach. He looked down and saw Iris's head resting there, also sound asleep. On the inside, Barry was happy all of his friends were out, it gave him time to think and adjust to what was going on around him.

He remembered seeing his mom, dad and Iris all dying. He remembered wishing he was dead, seeing all of them die repeatedly. Nothing could have been worse than that. He took in a sharp breath as he thought about what he had been through... and about what Jay was going through right now.

He sighed, realizing that once again someone had taken his place. He must have sighed louder than he thought, because soon the head resting on him moved.

Iris woke up and looked at Barry and gasped because he was looking back at her. He held his finger up to his lips, signaling her to not make any loud noises to wake the rest of their team.

"Barry." She whispered.

"Hey." He responded.

"What the hell?" Iris whispered angrily.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused. He had just woken up, how had he managed to upset her already?

"How could you think we don't care about you?" She asked raising her voice.

"I didn't- I don't." He sighed, looking up as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I just thought that after all the wrong I've done, all the lives I've ruined, that it was only fair if I-"

"If you sacrificed yourself." She finished.

Barry nodded. Iris sighed and took his hand in both of hers. "Listen, Barry. I can't say you didn't do some wrong, we all have. But, we all forgive you. All of us." She said gesturing to everyone asleep in the room.

"Iris," Barry said with that Barry Allen smile. The one that he smiled when he was telling you not to be sad, that he would come back, that he knew she was trying to help, but nothing could make up for the things he'd done. " I appreciate it. But, I killed Cisco's brother. I killed Ronnie. I am the reason my mom and my dad are dead. I gave Caitlin her powers and me, only me is responsible for all the lives lost in Central City when I was playing hero. That is all on me, Iris."

Iris sighed. "Maybe." She said. "But we need you Barry. Central City doesn't want Kid Flash, they want 'The Flash'. They want the fastest man alive. This team, we won't function without you. So if you don't keep living for you, do it for us. Do it for me. I need you Barry." Iris said pleadingly trying to look him in the eye. They held each other's gaze, and in that moment Iris knew they were going to be okay. She knew that because she saw the same determined look Barry had whenever he was set in stone to do something. There was no stopping him. This was the look he had whenever he went up against a complicating situation or foe.

In that moment she knew that he would fight. Even if at first it was to protect them, it was at least something.

Iris broke out of her thoughts when she noticed Barry was speaking to her again. "Iris... your hand." He simply said.

She looked down and smiled. "Do you like it?" She asked playfully. "My fiancee gave it to me."

"Well," Barry said grinning,"your fiancee is a very very lucky man."

"Indeed he is. Now if only he would realize that. How much I love him."

"And us." Caitlin suddenly said and with a blush Iris and Barry realized that they had woken up the rest of the room.

"Hey guys." Barry said with a small wave.

"Dude, you know we love you right?" Cisco asked.

"Of course." Barry responded sheepishly.

"Good. Then know that I say with love, if you ever do something that stupid again, I'm gonna shoot you. You've got super-healing." Joe said with a laugh.

Barry smiled at them, at his team that had quickly become his family and smiled. He still had his guilt, but with a family to back him up and Iris back, Barry thought he just might be okay.

 _THREE MONTHS LATER_

"Joe, I don't really know if this tie is symmetrical. Are you sure it looks okay?" Barry asked as he fidgeted with it in the mirror.

"You look fine, Bar. Nothing to worry about." Joe responded glancing in the mirror to check out his own suit.

"You look great, man." Wally said as he looked at Barry.

"Thanks, Wally."

Barry and Wally had done a lot of talking ever since Barry had gotten out of the speed force. Wally got some alone time with Barry and explained his feelings of guilt over what Barry had done for him. Barry had simply responded that since he was Joe's son, he would always protect him. Barry had been shocked when Wally's retort was something along the lines of ' _So are you.'_ Since then the two had grown, not only as friends ,but as brothers. For the first time since the two had met, neither felt any jealousy towards the other, resulting in a bond that most blood brothers would envy.

"Hey! Stop lollygagging we got five minutes till we got to get this show on the road!" Cisco said peeking his head through the door. As soon and Barry and Iris announced that the wedding was back on, Barry had named Cisco his best man. Although if Barry had realized how seriously Cisco took his duties, he might have reconsidered this.

"We'll be out there in a second, dude." Barry laughed.

"You had better be. The ladies are already ready." Cisco said shoving a piece of twizzlers in his mouth and then leaving. Barry said nothing, instead he pointed at the empty doorway incredulously, "Did you guys just see that?" He asked smiling.

"Yeah, he's a total control freak." Wally laughed.

The three of them spent more time getting ready before the door opened again. This time it was Julian. "Okay, everything is set and ready." He said.

He placed one arm on Barry's shoulder and used the other to shake his hand. "Congrats, mate. You look great."

"Thanks Julian." Barry said.

"Alright you two, go take your places, I need a word with my future son-in-law." Joe said shooing out Wally and Julian.

Barry waved at the both of them as they left and turned to Julian. "What's up Joe?" Barry asked concerned.

"Are you good?" Joe asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Three months ago, we just got you back after being practically suicidal. I just want to make sure that you're okay now, Bar."

Barry sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, guilt doesn't go away, Joe. I still deal with it, everyday. But... having Iris, having you and Cisco and Caitlin, H.R., Wally, Jesse, Julian, all of you... knowing that you guys are behind me... It makes it all so much easier to live with. And right now, about to marry Iris... well, that makes me the happiest man alive."

Joe looked at Barry with tears in his eyes. He placed both hands on Barry and looked at him. Really looked at him. He saw that after everything, they were going to be okay. Barry was going to be okay.

"Alright, you ready to get married?" Joe asked.

Barry smiled a big smile. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"I still can't believe you're letting H.R. be the officiant." Joe sniggered.

"I can't believe he was ordained." Barry responded.

"You can get anything online these days." Joe sighed.

At this moment Cisco ran inside the room. "Hey!" He shouted running up behind Barry and practically pushing him. "The 'Fastest Man Alive' cannot be late for his own wedding! Move! Move! Move!"

"Cisco, I'm going!" Barry laughed as he was led out of the room. Joe followed, and soon they all found themselves situated in the church. Soon, the doors opened and the music began, and the whole room held their breath as Iris walked down the aisle with Joe at her side. Barry almost forgot to breathe when he first saw her walking.

She looked beautiful, more beautiful than anything Barry had ever seen. "Wow." Barry simply said as she approached him.

"I look okay?" Iris asked as she stood by him.

"You look incredible." Barry responded.

The two of them looked at one another, with a love so deep and profound, and just gazed into each other's eyes. Barry took in the sight around him, and never felt so happy. He saw Caitlin, Jesse, and one of Iris's reporter friends standing on the other side of Iris and Cisco, Julian, and Wally standing next to himself. He spend a moment to think of those they had lost over the years, but then he stopped himself when he remembered the promise he had made to Jay.

In that moment, seeing all of his friends around him totally overjoyed, and the woman he loved standing right in front of him, Barry made a vow to himself to try and _let go._

Let go of all the guilt.

Let go of all the regret.

Of all the shame.

Of all the 'if only I'd done this'.

He was going to let go of all that, and live his life finally free from these feelings. Afterall, he can't change the past, but he can change his future.

He smiled a big smile as he heard H.R. say the words, "Do you, Iris West, take Barry Allen to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do. I most definitely do." Iris said.

"Do you, Barry Allen, take Iris West to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

And in that moment, time froze still for Barry. He pictured Iris dying at the arms of Savitar, his father, and his mother dying. He pictured all of them, screaming

'You weren't fast enough to save us.'

But Barry shook away the memory, because Iris was standing here in front of him, and he knew for a fact that his parents were watching over him. So even if he was not the 'Fastest Man Alive' , he would be the happiest.

"I do."

 _The End_

 **That's the end! I figured Barry deserved a happy, sappy ending because Lord knows he gets enough mental beatings on the show. Remember season 4 is coming out in October! So happy!**

 **Thank yall for sticking around till the end. Your kind words in the comments make me so happy you don't even know. See ya next time!**

 **~StoneyT**

 **Disclaimer: The Flash and the characters associated with it do not belong to me. If they did, Barry would get a break, and him and Cisco would get more screetime together. I miss the season 1 friendships.**


End file.
